8/26/2019 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i haven't updated my journal in a LONG time! 
worked on my website a lot 2day. it's very ugly LOL but that's I like it, babe!
been super busy but looking forward to some stuff coming up. rn i'm exhausted. Zzz.

  = exe 

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5/10/2019 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my best friend is with me at my apartment for a while and I'm so fucking happy!!!
I got bit by a tick today. it was kinda cool. hope I don't get sick!
show went well today. I hope the rest are just as good.
life is okay. but I'm so tired. finals are hard. school wants to see me struggle.

  = exe 

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5/7/2019 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i need to learn that social media interaction is not an indication of quality. i'm obsessed with people liking my shit and it's not good for me! i have to convince myself that i make good shit no matter what people think of it. my desire to put shit on the internet is not an inconvenience, no matter what! 

some day I'll believe that!

i'm excited for tomorrow and i hope it is perfect and good!

also me and my pal nate got told to 'cease' at the mall by a mall cop while doing a marketing survey for class. it was kinda cool and i don't know why.

  = exe 

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5/1/2019 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    "what if they think you're disgusting?"
    I am disgusting. 
    
rough day. just trying to buy a balaclava but no store has them in stock anymore.
tired of living in this body. never was built right, never will be. doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how many hormones I might decide to cram it with, it'll always be too pale, too round, too crooked, too short, whatever. 

i'll be happier when I can just hide my face around the house all the time. is that edgy? sounds kind of edgy. 

built this page today specifically to vent. have the same song on repeat -- "Pop, Lock, Dropdead." trying to feel better, but it's hard. wish my first journal entry on the World Wide Web was a cheerier one. 

haha not to be dramatic, but i should've kept restricting. 700 - 1200 cals a day. i've ruined my body and it'll never be right again. how do you cope with that level of guilt?

 = exe 
 
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